It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
