Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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