ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize