She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
