That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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