well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
