Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
