I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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