Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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