I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
