My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
