At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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