i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
