If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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