you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
