I wish I could punch you in the face.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
