you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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