can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
