Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
