im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
