Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
