no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
