I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
