i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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