you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
