dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
