youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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