my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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