it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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