She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
