I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize