I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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