chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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