You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
