once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I enjoy the company of your penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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