He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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