i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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