your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
