she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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