True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
