My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
