well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
