I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
