I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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