I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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