are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
