you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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