Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize