Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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