maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
