Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
can u get pink eye on your cock?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
