i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
