You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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