Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
