Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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