It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
