Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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