Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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