My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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