I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
