I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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