This girl is more easily done than said...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
